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Saturday, June 12


I don't normally post here - but today feel the need. I started blogging a year ago, so that I could write my thoughts down and perhaps grow thru them. Often times it is a real help. So here goes on the thoughts that are running thru my mind this morning.

Lately many of these posts are similar. I am not choosing them on purpose. They just come about that way. Sometimes I like to think that God is directing what is chosen, because perhaps someone needs that for today.

For example, today I chose the peony flower above. As I opened the photo, my first thought was wow, those leaves are paper thin. So I added the photo to my iRemember palate, and went out on the internet to find a quote on "paper thin." The first one I read was the Brendan Francis one above, and I felt a connection.

The next step was to do a search (I love Bible Gateway!) on the word fear in the scriptures. Isaiah struck a chord with me and so I put them together.

The result is what you see. I am not sure why fear keeps coming up. If I look deep inside myself, (past the 260 report cards I am procrastinating about ... that are due Monday) I guess there are some things that I am afraid of.

Old One (my 18 year old son) - driving on his own, in a band, seemingly moving further and further away from God.

Tall One (my 17 year old son) - completing his junior year of high school this week, taking drivers ed this summer, dropping out of youth group and separating himself from Godly people, going thru some emotionally rough teen age times right now, defiant, trying to break free, deciding on college and where to go from here.

Young One (my 13 year old son) - told me he is afraid to commit to Christ, because he doesn't want to walk away from Him like his brothers seem to have, very active in sports and always taking physical risks.

And there are many more, now that I stop and think about it. I still ache so deeply inside from leaving a congregation that has been my family for years and years. And there are so many fears I am too embarrassed to write about, but are real and consume me.

As I read thru the quote and scripture above - my single courageous step - needs to be - grabbing hold of God and putting my trust in Him, to count on Him. I know not one second of my worry time - can do anything about my fears. But practicing grabbing ahold of the One who created us all, and loves my children more than I ever could, and gave them free choice to live their lives as they choose, even if it means walking away from Him. He loved them that much. Clinging to Him is what keeps me going.

The song Twila Paris sang a while ago is running thru my mind:

Do I Trust You

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, What's in Your plan
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why

But I can never forget it for long
Lord what You do, could not be wrong
So I believe You, Even why I must cry

Do I trust You Lord, Does the river flow
Do I trust You Lord, Does the north wind blow
You can see my heart, You can read my mind
And you've got to know, That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith, In the One I love
Do I trust You, Lord

Probably all of my rambling, has not been an encouragement to you today. But writing it down has reminded me of Who I am clinging to, and His remarkable strength that I can call on as my own.

Please pray for these folks who are heavy on my heart today as they face huge challenges that could cause great fear in their lives:
Melina's Family (13 year old died of cancer on June 3)
Adrienne and her family (her husband with terminal cancer)
Dorothy's son Joe (severely burned)

I am sure there as many, many more -


Debbie said...

Oh, but you're wrong.
Your writing has been a great inspiration. I love how you walked us through your journey from picture to quote to scripture.

And I love that you shared your deepest fears. I love it, NOT that I'm glad you have them or share them, but because I have the same ones. I want my girls to have THEIR faith... not just a xerox copy of mine.

Not a "good enough" faith or a "stay out of scandal" faith or a "socially expedient" faith, but a right-to-the-core faith of their very own.

And as they stretch those wings at 18 and 21, I have that same bone clenching fear that their steps are leading not closer but farther from the God I love and serve and want so desperately to be the center of their lives.

And so I pray and I cling and I trust. But your simple question in the form of that song inspires me to get real with my feelings before my God.

So you did inspire. Your words, so like HIS words... did not return to you void.

Sorry to ramble on so much. Loved your post.

Kerri said...

Oh Valerie ..... I'm so glad I visited today. I soooooo know where you are coming from. So many nights I have laid awake crippled by the fear of what is happening with my 19 year old son. Is he safe? Is he making good decisions? Will I get a knock on my door saying he's been in an accident. It was really creating quite havoc in my life ..... and I knew that God did not want me to worry .... that he wanted me to know he is in control .... and that there are things that I just can't do anything about. I still have a LOT of fear about all of those things .... but it does not consume my life as it once did. I so very much appreciate you being so open and honest in your blog. You are an inspiration!

Karin said...

Thank you for having the courage to share your heart! Articulating those thoughts and fears we have, can be so helpful in letting them go. You've identified them; most people can't! Our children all follow the Lord, and yet I still have fears. Our son has been allowed by the Lord to receive one challenge after another, one more severe than the next - in my opinion - and his faith is being tested. I'm 'learning' to leave them in the Lord's Hands and trust that He will keep our son and his family growing ever closer, rather than further away. I can certainly relate to your post and thanks for sharing it!

And, yes, the Lord will continue to go after your sons - and it may be through difficulties and huge challenges!

S. Etole said...

Your verses and quotes are always an encouragement and I think you are being led in what you share with us. Thank you for your honesty.

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

Valerie,thank-you from the bottom of my heart for each of these posts and the thoughts you share.
My son is grown up and has trusted Christ,but I still worry that his divorce and finding a new mate will not take him away from the Lord.Of course I too have fears that I will not share on the internet,but God knows what they are.
I trust He will guide me every step of the way.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Valerie, Been there ---done that!!!! We parents do the best we can --setting the example for our children to follow. But--because they are growing up, they want to sew their oats and find out things for themselves. Let them go ---but YOU keep setting the example of keeping Christ in the center of YOUR life... As those boys grow up, they will come back to God. Just be patient with them... They're teens --and they'll spread their wings... You'll get through it!!!

Just have the FAITH that you are doing the right thing in your life.. We ALL go through times of trust and fear... It's just part of being human. With God's help, we will just do the best we can.

Great post....
P.S. One thing to think about --since you have mentioned it a few times. Did you make a mistake changing churches?????

Adrienne in Ohio said...

That song by Twila Paris has long been a favorite of mine. I love how it asks the question, and if you're paying attention you soundly answer "yes!"